The Rhyme Chick

Sorry I Puked But You’re Great
March 18, 2010, 1:18 pm
Filed under: Apologies | Tags: , ,

Look I’m sorry about what went down,
But more importantly for what came up.
You wonder if I’m embarrassed?
The answer isĀ  yup!

Please accept this apology,
And a little something from Glade.
Yeah, I know it won’t touch the mess that I made.

So, it was your best outfit?
And your _____’s classic car?
Wait, is that how we got to your place from the bar?

Yes, I’ve learned my lesson.
I sure as heck tossed a cookie.
Um, does that affect my chances
For some future nookie?


St. Pat’s – Getting Past What You Said Lastnight
March 18, 2010, 1:10 pm
Filed under: Apologies | Tags: ,


I know last night I said a few things,
But I’m pretty sure there was no exchanging of rings.
Yes, I like you ________.
Oh, that’s not your name?
Are you sure, because it suits you?
That’s kind of a shame.

Yes, I know what I said between beer three and four.
I’d recall the exact words if my head weren’t so sore.
I don’t think it is clear who kissed who,
Where is your virginity?
I don’t have a clue.

Let’s chalk this up to a time well spent,
And forget about where our dignity went.

Breaking Up With a Texter
March 18, 2010, 12:49 pm
Filed under: Breaking Up

Alright it’s over.
That’s it!
We’re through!
Oh, by the way, here’s your left shoe.
Don’t bother trying to protest or complain.
The relationship we had has gone down the drain.
Maybe it’s me, but I think it’s most likely you.
Texting away to someone that’s new.
Your thumbs must ache from the OMG’s
And those BFF’s, honey now please!
You think that I kidding
Cause you’re just that retarded.
But I’m clearing out
Like somebody farted.

Happy Birthday – Mom – From Son
March 18, 2010, 12:29 pm
Filed under: Birthdays | Tags: , ,

Happy birthday, mom!
You look just great.
It’s probably from all of those salads you ate.
I might have caused a few gray hairs
Climbing up trees and falling down stairs.

There was that time when you had to come to school,
To find me punished for acting like a fool.
You didn’t judge, because you knew I was growing.
Even if it was my butt I had been showing.

There are few moments when I manage to say
That you’re the reason I’ve come this long way.
So on this birthday know this is true
I am so grateful for a mom like you.

Join Our Book Club
March 17, 2010, 6:24 pm
Filed under: Club Invites | Tags: ,

Please would you come to our book club at seven.
We’ve been dying to read that Mitch Albom one on Heaven.
Before we talk of the plot and how it thickens
We’re bound to bring up Marge and her chickens.
She’s in the club,
And so is my trainer.
She asked if we always drink wine,
I said, “That’s a no-brainer.”
Then there is Liz who makes such great dip,
And Rhonda whose nails I’d just like to clip.
Courtney’s kid always sleeps when we read,
I don’t know whether it was he or the cat
Who under my coffee table peed.
The other members can’t wait to meet you.
Better read this book first.
If you don’t, we will beat you.

March 17, 2010, 3:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I going through my morning wondering what rhymes must be written? What do people really need to say to each other these days, and how would a poem make it go smoother?

1. Sorry I had sex with all of those porn stars and
embarrassed you in front of the whole world?

2. I didn’t really mean to blackmail you. I was just kidding. Can’t we go back to being friends?

3. Look, that trip to Argentina was totally business.

4. Yes, you’re the father.

They can always throw flowers in your face
A poem, when it hits you, hurts less than a vase.

St. Patrick’s Day Apology From House Guest
March 17, 2010, 12:54 pm
Filed under: Apologies | Tags: , ,

Dear________ I feel so bad.
I think I might have drunk dialed your dad.
I drank so much Guinness.
Did I pee on your lawn?
I guess that was a couple hours before dawn.

I think I threw up on your Knock Out Rose
Yes, that was me having a drink from your old garden hose.
That guy that was with me was Officer Matt
He drove me home; in the back seat I sat.

I told him we should save the hand cuffs for later,
But he snapped them on like a Florida Gator.

We didn’t go downtown.
That Matt was playing a game.
We didn’t go to jail.
To your door step we came.

I hope you don’t mind that I sprayed your cat green.
Now amongst others yours is easily seen.
Oh, one more thing; tell your neighbor I didn’t mean it.
It was no big deal.
When I showed him my butt he acted like he had seen it.
I think that was when I peed on your deer.
Can’t wait to come for St. Patrick’s Day next year.