The Rhyme Chick

New Clothes
April 16, 2010, 12:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I bought some new clothes,
And to go under them I bought some Spanx.
Now when people whistle at me,
I offer them my thanks.


You Had A Baby Now You Have To Pee
March 25, 2010, 1:28 pm
Filed under: New Baby, Uncategorized

You had a baby,
And now you have to pee.
They’ve got some tube where you cannot see!
Thank God for that, but it’s coming out.
They want you to be able to move about.
So go do as nature intended.
We’re pretty sure your bladder has mended.
Have some stage fright?
Can’t wizz on command?
Um, would you like a nurse to hold your hand?

Fine, go pee.
It’s easy.
I’ll just be here visiting the baby.

March 21, 2010, 1:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I like bamboo,
But I am not a panda.
If you don’t believe me,
Ask my friend Miranda.

Bamboo grows really fast.
Like a speeding bullet.
If you plant it in the ground,
Someday you’ll want to pull it.

March 17, 2010, 3:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I going through my morning wondering what rhymes must be written? What do people really need to say to each other these days, and how would a poem make it go smoother?

1. Sorry I had sex with all of those porn stars and
embarrassed you in front of the whole world?

2. I didn’t really mean to blackmail you. I was just kidding. Can’t we go back to being friends?

3. Look, that trip to Argentina was totally business.

4. Yes, you’re the father.

They can always throw flowers in your face
A poem, when it hits you, hurts less than a vase.

March 14, 2010, 3:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Inflatable Judy went out with me
To a trade show where I was speaking you see.
It’s a shame that she wasn’t a brown paper bag
Cause my tendency to faint is kind of a drag.

I spoke and she watched without saying a word
Not even a tweet like some techno savvy bird.
If you ever need a cheerleader, mate,
Do not rely on someone you’ve got to inflate.

Happy Birthday Husband – no nookie
March 12, 2010, 7:58 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Happy birthday dear man
I got this spray tan

Tonight we’ll do dinner
No dessert ’til we’re both thinner.

Bought you something  sexy indeed.
No it won’t go with tweed.

I will wear it some night when we’re loaded.
Not tonight, hon, I’m so bloated.