The Rhyme Chick

The Grumpy Neighbor
March 20, 2010, 12:55 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues | Tags: , ,

Dear Ms. _________,

Why must you scowl?
Why must the dog in your yard always growl?
Is your bra too tight or your wig compressing
The deep down smile we wish you were expressing?
Why do you point your finger and shout,
“This is my yard; get your ball out!”
Do children at play cause you fits?
Do they rattle your nerves?
Well ain’t that the pits!
We just hope that your sour turns sweet.
We don’t want that pout on our street.


Letter To Tacky Neighbors From Association
March 19, 2010, 12:41 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues

Dear _____________,

Welcome to the neighborhood.
We see you brought your flamingos.
But, as the neighborhood association, we have to warn that they might be eaten by plastic Dingos.
We see that you’ve got a plastic light house,
And is that a resin squirrel?
Oh, how sweet!
Look at that, a plastic little girl!
We just feel, bless your heart, you’re working way to hard.
No, it’s not that we don’t like the plastic frogs
Hopping around your yard.
On behalf of the association, we just ask that you consider their placement.
Wouldn’t they be much safer if you put them in your basement?

Instructions For Watching Our Home
March 14, 2010, 1:09 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues

We trust you to watch our house
We know you won’t burn it down.
Thanks for letting us pack our stuff
And finally get out of  town.

The animals are grateful that you’ll be there to feed them.
Please keep ____ in one room and ____ in the other.
After careful consideration we’ve decided not to breed them.

Did I forget to tell you that _____ brought a ______ home from school?
I told _____ that ______ often bite,
But he’s/ she’s  stubborn as a mule.

Whatever you do, please be careful.
There’s a possibility we have a ghost.
The film crew will be there on Tuesday
To try and capture it making toast.

Let me see, what else?
Oh, that dust everywhere is for the fleas.
Don’t allow the bird to inhale it.
It causes him to sneeze.

We’ll be back on Friday
These are probably all of the instructions you can take.
One more thing I forget to say; don’t worry about the snake.

My Lawn Is Not A Bathroom
March 12, 2010, 5:29 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues

My lawn is not a bathroom for your shitzu or your shepherd.
That cat of yours sprays so much it just might be a leopard.

I did not put my “Bird Girl” knock off out so your “Butch” can lift his leg
Please don’t let your “Coco” squeeze one out, I beg.

My lawn has plenty of fertilizer.
It doesn’t need one more drop.
Keep that fellow off my grass
Or I’ll have to call a cop.

To The Neighbor With The Barking Dog
March 9, 2010, 2:36 am
Filed under: Neighbor Issues

Cats are better than dogs
Cause they don’t pant and bark
They don’t require walking
To some god forsaken park

It’s true that they will lick their loo-loos
When company is around
But when the door bell rings
My cats don’t make a sound

Your dog keeps me up all night
His barking is on my nerves
Every time I try and write
The pen goes off in swerves.

So if you can’t calm him
Say, by giving him pork chops
I don’t know what I’m going to do
I guess I’ll call the cops.