The Rhyme Chick


New Clothes
April 16, 2010, 12:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I bought some new clothes,
And to go under them I bought some Spanx.
Now when people whistle at me,
I offer them my thanks.



You Had A Baby Now You Have To Pee
March 25, 2010, 1:28 pm
Filed under: New Baby, Uncategorized

You had a baby,
And now you have to pee.
They’ve got some tube where you cannot see!
Thank God for that, but it’s coming out.
They want you to be able to move about.
So go do as nature intended.
We’re pretty sure your bladder has mended.
Have some stage fright?
Can’t wizz on command?
Um, would you like a nurse to hold your hand?

Fine, go pee.
It’s easy.
Probably.
Maybe.
I’ll just be here visiting the baby.



Talents, Skills, Trades
March 22, 2010, 4:15 pm
Filed under: Encouragement

What is worse than having a talent
And just no time to use it?
Then you wonder if without practice
You might just start to lose it.

My husband draws cars better than that guy on TV, Foose!
He doesn’t even honk his own horn
Like some very confident goose.

When he gets up in the morning
He works as a graphic designer,
And I bet that an airplane brochure
Could never look any finer.

Still I think that he’d be great at drawing cars all the live long day.
What would you be doing if you could throw your bills away?



Bamboo
March 21, 2010, 1:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I like bamboo,
But I am not a panda.
If you don’t believe me,
Ask my friend Miranda.

Bamboo grows really fast.
Like a speeding bullet.
If you plant it in the ground,
Someday you’ll want to pull it.



The Grumpy Neighbor
March 20, 2010, 12:55 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues | Tags: , ,

Dear Ms. _________,

Why must you scowl?
Why must the dog in your yard always growl?
Is your bra too tight or your wig compressing
The deep down smile we wish you were expressing?
Why do you point your finger and shout,
“This is my yard; get your ball out!”
Do children at play cause you fits?
Do they rattle your nerves?
Well ain’t that the pits!
We just hope that your sour turns sweet.
We don’t want that pout on our street.



Letter To Tacky Neighbors From Association
March 19, 2010, 12:41 pm
Filed under: Neighbor Issues

Dear _____________,

Welcome to the neighborhood.
We see you brought your flamingos.
But, as the neighborhood association, we have to warn that they might be eaten by plastic Dingos.
We see that you’ve got a plastic light house,
And is that a resin squirrel?
Oh, how sweet!
Look at that, a plastic little girl!
We just feel, bless your heart, you’re working way to hard.
No, it’s not that we don’t like the plastic frogs
Hopping around your yard.
On behalf of the association, we just ask that you consider their placement.
Wouldn’t they be much safer if you put them in your basement?



The Cab Money I Owe You
March 18, 2010, 1:31 pm
Filed under: Thanks | Tags: ,

Look, buddy, thanks for not letting me drive.
Although I don’t feel like it,
I guess I’m alive.

I can’t say that in the cab I was watching the meter,
But, dude, know that I’m good for it.
Just like St. Peter.

Do you accept Paypal?
Maybe we could trade.
You paid for the cab,
But who got you laid?

Alright, here you go!
Don’t worry;
It’s real!
Can you spare a fiver?
I could sure use a meal.