Dear________ I feel so bad.
I think I might have drunk dialed your dad.
I drank so much Guinness.
Did I pee on your lawn?
I guess that was a couple hours before dawn.
I think I threw up on your Knock Out Rose
Yes, that was me having a drink from your old garden hose.
That guy that was with me was Officer Matt
He drove me home; in the back seat I sat.
I told him we should save the hand cuffs for later,
But he snapped them on like a Florida Gator.
We didn’t go downtown.
That Matt was playing a game.
We didn’t go to jail.
To your door step we came.
I hope you don’t mind that I sprayed your cat green.
Now amongst others yours is easily seen.
Oh, one more thing; tell your neighbor I didn’t mean it.
It was no big deal.
When I showed him my butt he acted like he had seen it.
I think that was when I peed on your deer.
Can’t wait to come for St. Patrick’s Day next year.
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